Who do you love?

The family I grew up with for the most part are "normal" in their attitudes towards sexual orientation. There is little or no homophobia in us. But it is not true for everyone. Now because we have so many in our family it is statistically impossible that there are no homosexuals in our midst. Yet to date no one has come out. Normally I would say that it's none of our business. But today after hearing the news of so many teens who are killing themselves because of bullying or intolerance, I believe it is everyone's business.

It is everyone's business to check the negative programming in themselves that it's okay to joke about being gay. It's everyone's business to speak up if someone is making a homophobic remark or slur. It is everyone's business to make sure that children are comfortable with talking about and exploring their sexual orientation.

We need to ask the question. Do I love my children or family members unconditionally or only if they are heterosexual?

Each person has to do their own work on themselves to undo the prejudice, the judgements, the discomfort. Imagine you're the one who's different from the norm. If you're heterosexual, imagine being gay is the norm. How would you feel if you were threatened, ridiculed, and even beaten because of something you can do nothing about.

Can you control who you love? Who you fall in love with? I can't and I'm not sure I'd want to. My heart opens up and teaches me so much when I fall in love. The world becomes altered in my perception. Even if my heart ends up in shatters, I learn, I grow, I experience, I live.

How can I say it's different for a woman who loves another woman or a man who loves another man?

In a way, I would like to be gay so that I could say to my nieces, my nephews and my family, "Look, I'm gay. I'm fine. I'm happy." But I can't because the truth is, that as beautiful and wonderful women are, I am attracted to men. There's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wish there was!