Switching Seasons

This time of year feels like home to me. I love putting on a scarf and an extra layer of clothes. I love the mild days walking among the colorful trees and I love the rainy ones by the fire. It's the season my body feels most comfortable in.

It also reminds me of my love of learning. The curiosity I have when I pick up a new book reminds me of the good feeling of starting a new school year. I used to made vows to myself to get my homework done on time, to keep my copy books tidy, to do my best. I loved the potential of creativity that lay ahead of me every September.

This time of year is about settling in, especially in Canada. We know what's ahead - thirty bellow temperatures, snow to shovel, hibernation time. The squirrels are frantic right now. Nuts are everywhere. Soon we will be getting out the snow boots, the snow pants, the Michelin man jackets, getting snow tires on the car. We will trade walks along the lake for time at the gym. Instead of chatting with neighbors we will take refuge in literature or television. Trips to the park with the kids will be replaced by extra curricular activities.

Before that happens, before I settle in, I am soaking up all the outdoors I can get, appreciating the change, marveling at the magnificence of nature, before it scares me indoors again.

Chair Massage

Oh my God! I had my first chair massage today. And boy oh boy I almost proposed to my good friend's husband (he was the one giving the massage).

When I say chair massage, everyone thinks I'm talking about those chairs that you sit on and there's a tiny person inside the lining of and when you press the buttons the tiny person sticks their tiny multiple fists into your back. This tiny person also has the ability to vibrate.

No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a special massage chair that has a placement for your head, arms and knees. You are slightly bent forward in it. And the massage therapist has full access to your back, arms, neck, hands.

All the way through the fifteen to twenty minutes massage, Andy checked with me whether he was too deep or too shallow and adjusted according to my preference.

I didn't realize how stressed I was until I felt it leaving my body through the artful touch of this angel sent straight from heaven. I was so relaxed I felt myself beginning to drool!

Hint: If you ever want me to shut up, massage me!

By the time Andy had finished going through his routine, my mind was gone to another planet and it took me quite a while to come back here. I was actually light headed and my feet were tingling. I lay down for a while and had a glass of water. Andy suggested not to talk which surprisingly enough wasn't difficult. (Anyone who knows me, knows I like to talk. I'm not Irish for nothing!)

Now I am just left with the thought - when can I go back for another one?

The mind is a terrible thing not to mess with

I have what the Buddhists call the monkey mind. It just keeps jumping around from subject to subject and is causing me stress.

My Dad would say, "Go for a run." My energy friends would say, "Meditate." And both of those options appeal to me but it is to writing I turn when I feel like my brain is in the spin cycle of the washing machine.

There is real laundry to do. The house is relatively clean but the yard is a mess. I need to sort out my finances. And there's always parent council work to do.

Then there are the things I want to do. Yoga is at 6 pm. I want to go to the market before that. Then I want to swim in my friend's sea salt pool tonight. There's the weekend to plan and I have to answer an invitation to a family gathering.

AAAAAARRRRRGGGG!

Question:

Have you ever washed a dog?

I washed two of them this morning.

I noticed how the older dog panted with his mouth open. (My kids say that he's smiling when he does this.) He seemed to relish the warm water soaking into his thick coat. He stood and sat as I instructed. He didn't fight me, he followed me.

The puppy was not so cooperative. He didn't like the water. The shampoo made him sneeze. He struggled against my grip. He barked, he whimpered, he even did the puppy face.

They're both sleeping at the foot of my bed, clean and brushed. They both have the same end result. One enjoyed the experience, one didn't.

So it is with the mind.

The mature mind strides along assured that all will be well. The monkey mind takes us on a ride, that might be fun for a while but eventually will wear us out.

Okay, now I can meditate!

Love

I suppose what has been on my mind so far today is what is on everybody's mind most of our lives - Love. (Notice the capital L.)

I've been looking through images of people in love, gods in love, gathering love quotations, reading Rumi and the Bagdavita. Am I compensating for something missing in my life? Absolutely. But I'm also healing something I buried inside myself many years ago.

Like everyone, I have been hurt, delighted, broken and built up again by Love. And I suppose the hardest thing is to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to trust again.

I am encouraged by how many people I see who throw themselves into the arms of Love over and over again, riding the roller coaster of hope and despair, working on themselves, giving up bad habits, even sacrificing their own dreams. I am in awe of such courage.

It reminds me of the courage it takes to have a baby especially a second baby or more!!! Before you have a baby, you are told all the lovely things, how good they smell, how they adore you, how fulfilling it is to be a parent. They don't tell you how painful it is to get a seven pound piece of flesh out of your body. They don't tell you that you'll be screaming "I don't want to do this anymore!!!" when you're at the height of labour. (It's true, I heard myself say it!!!) They don't tell you about when everyone has a stomach bug and you are so busy cleaning what is coming out of both ends of three children that you don't have time to get sick yourself.

Well, maybe they do but I, for one, didn't hear them.

Relationships are like labour. We give birth to each other in our own minds. And it hurts like hell. My complexes meet your compulsions and make baby neurosis's!

There is an alternative - loneliness! It's not so bad, just a little sterile. It doesn't hurt quite as much as Love, well, not until you get to the end of your life. Then it might be really bad. It's very safe and secure, not messy at all. No fights, no tears, no disappointments.

You will have to deal with regrets though. They're the buggers who will haunt you. You can stay home and watch "Dexter" or "Lost". But those regrets will distract you into the knowing that Love is still out there, all beautiful, sensual, exciting and very, very dangerous. They will haunt you into your old age and you will start a new obsession with romance novels and soap operas. And still Love will await you until you can wait no more.

I know what I will pick. I do have five kids after all.

I love Me

Today I went clothes shopping. I really have to be in the mood for this and today it just wasn't happening.

Of course when the mood isn't there but the necessity is, patience is a scarce thing. Although I was pleasantly surprised that I did not go up a pant size, I found myself very critical of my image in the mirror. Hence a rapid increase in the gloom factor.

Every other woman in the store looked better than me and I was happy for them. (Yeah right!) So, of course nothing fit, nothing was in my size and I felt like giving up and having a sex change.

And then I remembered, people don't really see the details as I see them. They don't see the odd stray eyebrows that needs plucking or the round belly. They see the whole. If the whole is giving off gloom or glory, the rest is just details.

So I decided there and then that I was gorgeous, absolutely fabulous, and super sexy all together. I felt it, I walked it, I talked it.

After that everything flowed easily. I found everything I set out to find and swaggered on to do the grocery shopping.

Now you're thinking, "she's not going to get much validation for her self esteem in a grocery store." And I would tend to agree. I actually thought of it first!

Nonetheless, I filled the trolley with fruits, veggies and cereal when I noticed that I kept meeting the same guy over and over. And he kept making eye contact with me. I thought, "See, my attitude is working, even in a grocery store."

It was a good encouragement, so I kept it up even though I lost the guy.

Finally, I was laughing and chatting with the cashier and the guy who packs the groceries when Mr Follow me around the store guy reappeared. I flashed him a big smile that said, "Yes, I am beautiful, thank you for noticing."

Now because I have a very nerdy mind, I have to make more of this than meets the eye. Because I watch my mind, when I can, and pay attention to what it's doing to me, I have to see more than just me shopping and changing my moods. I see how I, and I'm sure some of you, get addicted to the approval and affection of someone outside of ourselves. Well, it's all very nice when you have a perfect partner, perfect family and perfect kids who spend all their time admiring and appreciating you. Why they might even put on some robes and start "oming" in front of you. But unless you're perfect yourself, you are going to get pretty tired of all that "oming" and you're going to tell them all to get a life.

What I'm getting at is this. Whatever is going on with you on the outside, it doesn't matter, what matters in the end is your relationship with yourself.

Even in your deepest darkest moments you can say, "I am gorgeous, I am absolutely fabulous, I am super sexy" And mean it!

Welcome to Mary's October blogs

A young man I know challenged one and all to write a blog everyday for the month of October.

I agreed to the challenge but insisted on there being a prize. We have only agreed on my prize which will consist of a greeting card or a diploma made by him. His prize has yet to be determined. We should meet for coffee on November 1st to exchange prizes.

Any suggestions for prizes are welcome in the comments box.

If you wish to come for coffee, leave your request in the comment box too!

Although it is not October yet. I have decided to start early.

I will attempt to make these entries as amusing as possible depending on the movements of my soul. I'm sure you will get some deep thoughts along the way because that's just how I roll.

I will share with you one interesting thing from my day today to start the ball rolling.

My sisters recently visited our home town of Dublin. There they made the observation that certain friends and family members who are still residents of our lovely green homeland regularly exclaim: "Sure it's a great night, isn't it. It's great crack all together." They do this regularly over the course of an evening out or during a party or an event. My sisters' conclusion is that it is a method of keeping the momentum going or perhaps generating momentum. So they decided to use it themselves to see if it worked.

In the most dire circumstances of their week in Dublin, like when they got lost for four hours, they used it. Or when no one showed up to party with them on their last night, they used it. Even today as we sat around chatting with our kids running wild, they used it. A fit of laughter and good will ensued.

So it works.

There you have it. That concludes my first entry. It's great, isn't it? Sure it's great crack altogether!