Baby don't hurt me!

Jealousy and possessiveness happen when some of us are in love. I might venture to say that they are sometimes a by-product of a romantic relationship. But I strongly believe that they are not love. They are the opposite to love - fear.

If I am insecure because of relationships you had in the past, or I flip out because of someone flirting with you, or I think I am the only one capable of loving you, then I am not loving, I am controlling and arrogant. If I love you, I set you free. My jealousy might stem from a fear of living alone or being alone. Or it could have something to do with my low self-esteem. I might think you're going to leave me because that person who is paying attention to you, is somehow "better" than me.

Although I do believe that monogamy is a good thing to uphold, it does not earn me ownership of a person. Monogamy whether recognized by church, state or just the two people involved, is a contract. And a contract can be broken at anytime. I have, at all times complete ownership of my body, mind and heart. Just because I love you or loved you once does not mean that I sign myself over to slavery.

A healthy monogamy should be a contract that is always being discussed and revised as time goes on. At the beginning, I might say "I choose to be with you on a regular basis and I request exclusivity." My partner chooses and agrees or disagrees.

Essential Love is unconditional, love trusts, love bears all, love rejoices in good, love is selfless, love wishes for the good of the other. Love conquers all. Love never ends.