Healing my Heart

Sometimes my heart hurts and I'm not sure why. I think it's because of someone who has hurt me or someone I miss. But, today, I am thinking, that it's just a sore spot on my heart and someone reminds me it's there. They don't even know they're doing it, most of the time. I should thank them for pointing it out!

So today, I wished for my heart to be healed, healed from all abuse and neglect it suffered by me and others. It is my supreme wish of the day, above all else - being a writer, having stuff, getting rid of all my worries.

The reason for this is very simple. I believe anyone who knows how to truly love selflessly with all of their heart is the most accomplished, the happiest, the wealthiest person in existence.

Now maybe my wish cannot be granted in a day. But maybe remembering my wish everyday will help me to fix those sore spots!

The Seeds of Happiness

Inside our minds are the seeds of goodness and happiness. It is like we were intended to be everything our heart desires us to be.

But like the seed, these intentions need the right conditions to grow - light, nutrition, healthy soil. The soil of our mind is sometimes too loose for our seeds to take root. Sometimes too tight and the roots are choked. Yet how often have we seen a plant growing through concrete?

The light and nutrition are our daily habits, how we treat our bodies and our minds. They give us clarity and energy.

The circumstances we find ourselves in, are potentially the spark that can change any of these conditions. In essence our relationships give us the opportunity to be more loving to ourselves and others. Love is the key to unlocking these seeds.

Knowing that the seeds of happiness are inside us, not outside gives us back our power to take control.

If the deer embryo is intent for beauty, grace, skill, speed, strength, and some would say "perfection", then why not man?

Will you?

Will you always take care of me?

Will you hold and comfort me?

When I’m old and grey

Will you love me anyway?

When I’m batty as can be

Will you still respect me?

Will you floss all of my teeth?

Will you keep me clean and neat?

Will you take me into to sun?

Will you be there when the day is done?

When I’m dying, fading away

Will you tell me it will be okay?

And I know that it will be

As long as I know that you love me.

Reconcilliation

When an ancient wind blows gently through my mind,

it calls me away from the usual patterns of thought

away from the carnal world,

whose weight has been stealing away my youth.

It leads me to another place between the trees above the rooftops,

a dazzling place of cloud and golden light.

It sways me softly 'til I let go.

The glimpse of it haunts me,

and leaves my world so hollow and grey.

This longing was with me since childish days,

when I yearned to go home, to be lost in the sky and the air.

To at last be free,

to float on beauty.

I searched the days and nights

I tried so hard to realign my life

adjusting time, chasing pleasure, ignoring pain

Forcing and pushing and disciplining

I did not cry

I did not protest

but I started to lie

To tell myself stories to ease the wound

of a sin that did not belong to me

Now the tears flow

and make way for the peace

I watch them evaporate into the light and the air

I seat myself on the throne of love

and dissolve into the all.

A Beautiful Moment

I had a beautiful moment today.

Sitting with my dogs in the park, my kids playing happily. I was watching a man run up and down the hill with his dog. Then they lost my attention and it went to the trees.

Against he backdrop of a pure blue sky, were some silver birch already naked, some maples with red, yellow, orange and even some green leaves. Of course a few evergreens, some pine and some cedar, were dispersed throughout the scene.

I had been thinking about the future, plans and dreams, while mesmerized by the high jinks of the man and his dog. But in this moment, I decided to let it all go.

In the next second, a wind picked up and blew everything as if in celebration. Or perhaps it came to take all my worries way. Every tree waved at me, every branch blew me kisses.

And I smiled.

Touch

Humans of our time store a lot of tension in our bodies. We disrespect the natural rhythms. We overeat, overwork and are filled with all sorts of chemicals. Now more than ever, we need touch.

Touch reconnects us with our true self. It liberates us. It takes away some of that stress. It opens us up to new possibilities and gives us renewed confidence.

As an energy worker, I discovered that there is no such thing as negative energy. There is energy that feels heavy and dense but that doesn't make it bad. It has taken on this form because it has been blocked. Usually because of a belief we hold that doesn't suit us. One such belief is that I am only valuable because of what I do. This belief causes us to overdo it. We are rarely valued for doing nothing in our culture. In fact, this non activity usually generates jealousy or contempt in those around us.

As Tommy Tiernan says, "a no loitering law is basically a law against doing nothing".

So what I am proposing is to take some time to do nothing. Then while you're doing nothing, you could value yourself for all that you do and all that you don't do. Then let someone touch you or you touch someone, or both.

You'll feel happier. I promise.

First Run

There he stood in her doorway, tee-shirt tucked into belted jeans, with Birkenstocks and woollen socks on his feet. The sun gleamed down on his balding head. Soon his sweat would drip mercilessly down onto his “John Lennon” frames, as he boasted on splurging on a haircut at the barbers that day.

She contemplated that although they were the same age, he spoke like he was from another time. He was an intellectual mechanic, a professor in overalls. He was poised, had self control, his words, well measured, his gestures, precise.

With eager smile he stood before her, ready for a run.

She stared at the sight an instant then politely inquired, “So you’re standing me up?”

“No why do you ask?”

“Because you don’t have your runners on”, she offered but held back on the question that must have been written across her forehead, “you’re not thinking of running dressed like that?”

“Oh, I don’t believe in them”, he casually replied. “You can do anything in these things”. He lifted his right foot to show off his brown “St Francis” type sandals. “I got them a few years back. They offered me the Velcro type, but it’s not my style, I’m more retro”.

“No shit”, she thought.

She tried to reason with herself, “I didn’t have all the right gear the first time I ran”. The horrified side of her brain screamed “but I didn’t look like a dork”. “Shut up, Mary, you’re being shallow. You didn’t ask him to come with you for the way he dresses”. “Fuckin’ good job you didn’t” the evil side of her personality replied.

But she liked him. He reminded her of how she used to be. “Slightly retarded” the evil side of her whispered. The thudding of feet, the strain and pain of the beginning of a jog finally shut the dark side of Mary up. Her final comment being “fuck this is hard, why do I do this again?” And she was gone.