Healing my Heart

Sometimes my heart hurts and I'm not sure why. I think it's because of someone who has hurt me or someone I miss. But, today, I am thinking, that it's just a sore spot on my heart and someone reminds me it's there. They don't even know they're doing it, most of the time. I should thank them for pointing it out!

So today, I wished for my heart to be healed, healed from all abuse and neglect it suffered by me and others. It is my supreme wish of the day, above all else - being a writer, having stuff, getting rid of all my worries.

The reason for this is very simple. I believe anyone who knows how to truly love selflessly with all of their heart is the most accomplished, the happiest, the wealthiest person in existence.

Now maybe my wish cannot be granted in a day. But maybe remembering my wish everyday will help me to fix those sore spots!

Will you?

Will you always take care of me?

Will you hold and comfort me?

When I’m old and grey

Will you love me anyway?

When I’m batty as can be

Will you still respect me?

Will you floss all of my teeth?

Will you keep me clean and neat?

Will you take me into to sun?

Will you be there when the day is done?

When I’m dying, fading away

Will you tell me it will be okay?

And I know that it will be

As long as I know that you love me.

The Greatest of all these is Love

I think that most people will agree that the greatest human virtue is the ability to love. But really what is love broken down to its purest part? It is empathy or compassion. It is the ability to be with someone in joy or in pain. The ability to sit with them in hell or soar with them to the heavens.

One would think that the joy is easy, but not always. If I don't know joy within myself, I can't share it with someone else. So my self-love and the enjoyment I take from my life is actually beneficial to all those I touch. Because joy is infectious.

Pain is sometimes more difficult to embrace. My own pain sits somewhere at the back of my mind, I love to ignore it. Then I meet someone who is suffering so I just want to ignore her. I am too busy pursuing my own happiness. But if I stop and hold her for a while, I take the opportunity to develop love in myself. All emotional pain is a gift, an occasion when I can decide to open my heart and mind more or close it up.

How can I understand the suffering of another if I have never suffered? Holding another through their healing gives me the opportunity to heal myself, to cultivate love. So that then I can soar so much higher.

Love

I suppose what has been on my mind so far today is what is on everybody's mind most of our lives - Love. (Notice the capital L.)

I've been looking through images of people in love, gods in love, gathering love quotations, reading Rumi and the Bagdavita. Am I compensating for something missing in my life? Absolutely. But I'm also healing something I buried inside myself many years ago.

Like everyone, I have been hurt, delighted, broken and built up again by Love. And I suppose the hardest thing is to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to trust again.

I am encouraged by how many people I see who throw themselves into the arms of Love over and over again, riding the roller coaster of hope and despair, working on themselves, giving up bad habits, even sacrificing their own dreams. I am in awe of such courage.

It reminds me of the courage it takes to have a baby especially a second baby or more!!! Before you have a baby, you are told all the lovely things, how good they smell, how they adore you, how fulfilling it is to be a parent. They don't tell you how painful it is to get a seven pound piece of flesh out of your body. They don't tell you that you'll be screaming "I don't want to do this anymore!!!" when you're at the height of labour. (It's true, I heard myself say it!!!) They don't tell you about when everyone has a stomach bug and you are so busy cleaning what is coming out of both ends of three children that you don't have time to get sick yourself.

Well, maybe they do but I, for one, didn't hear them.

Relationships are like labour. We give birth to each other in our own minds. And it hurts like hell. My complexes meet your compulsions and make baby neurosis's!

There is an alternative - loneliness! It's not so bad, just a little sterile. It doesn't hurt quite as much as Love, well, not until you get to the end of your life. Then it might be really bad. It's very safe and secure, not messy at all. No fights, no tears, no disappointments.

You will have to deal with regrets though. They're the buggers who will haunt you. You can stay home and watch "Dexter" or "Lost". But those regrets will distract you into the knowing that Love is still out there, all beautiful, sensual, exciting and very, very dangerous. They will haunt you into your old age and you will start a new obsession with romance novels and soap operas. And still Love will await you until you can wait no more.

I know what I will pick. I do have five kids after all.