I'm a One Man Woman (well, one at a time)!

When my first marriage broke up, I believe I was manic depressive. The whole world of this Irish Catholic girl was pulled from under my feet by my ex's infidelity. I did the usually grieving process, denial, anger, acceptance for about six years! I was twenty six years old and had two very young children. We attempted to save the relationship with therapy and an exotic holiday. But it was beyond salvaging.

I do admit that it was falling in love again that finally broke me away from this very toxic relationship. Years after our breakup, I still felt my ex was watching me and judging me. I felt his anger and it scared me until I began to heal myself.

I was determined to join the group "Divorced Catholics for Celibacy"! But that idea only lasted a few days. I was living in Paris after all!

Now, the French say that you get married because of lack of experience, you divorce because of lack of patience and you remarry because of lack of memory! But I have to say that my second marriage was completely different from my first. It was more grounded, more peaceful and richer in quality. But it too has come to an end after many attempts at saving it. My family and friends have been very patient with all our on's and off's. They have given up all commentary!

Where do I stand now? I have been very down on love and then up again. I have philosophized about it, generalized about it, researched it and now I am trying to trust it wherever it leads.

As I was chatting online one day this week, I noticed a quotation beside the chat box. It said, "for those of you who have given up on love, trust life just a little bit" (Maya Angelou)

If I can say one thing about my own experiences with monogamy is this: Stop taking it so seriously!

Baby don't hurt me!

Jealousy and possessiveness happen when some of us are in love. I might venture to say that they are sometimes a by-product of a romantic relationship. But I strongly believe that they are not love. They are the opposite to love - fear.

If I am insecure because of relationships you had in the past, or I flip out because of someone flirting with you, or I think I am the only one capable of loving you, then I am not loving, I am controlling and arrogant. If I love you, I set you free. My jealousy might stem from a fear of living alone or being alone. Or it could have something to do with my low self-esteem. I might think you're going to leave me because that person who is paying attention to you, is somehow "better" than me.

Although I do believe that monogamy is a good thing to uphold, it does not earn me ownership of a person. Monogamy whether recognized by church, state or just the two people involved, is a contract. And a contract can be broken at anytime. I have, at all times complete ownership of my body, mind and heart. Just because I love you or loved you once does not mean that I sign myself over to slavery.

A healthy monogamy should be a contract that is always being discussed and revised as time goes on. At the beginning, I might say "I choose to be with you on a regular basis and I request exclusivity." My partner chooses and agrees or disagrees.

Essential Love is unconditional, love trusts, love bears all, love rejoices in good, love is selfless, love wishes for the good of the other. Love conquers all. Love never ends.